Next Best Thing

Of all the things I could be excited about, I never thought that starting my period would be on the top of the list. As disappointing as it is to think I missed the egg, just knowing I ovulated has been an amazing feeling. If I don't get pregnant, starting my period is certainly the next best thing! I haven't had Aunt Flo without Provera since May of last year. It wasn't on my own since I had the help of Clomid, but it feels so great knowing a little egg made its way out of one of my quirky ovaries. Next step is doing it like bunnies next cycle, so we can finally get these champions to meet each other. In the famous words of Tracie... c'mon ovaries, drop 'em like it's hot. And yes, I promise Tracie, you will be getting an honorable mention in the baby book!

Humor Me Please

When something like infertility and PCOS has taken over your life, you can really start to let it get the best of you. Things that once were meant to be celebrated and bring joy now only bring sorrow and disappointment. That's when a little humor in life always helps. I found some really fun quotes that are worth mentioning, and if any of you are looking to support PCOS, you can purchase some of these clothes with these quotes Cafe Press. 

-Infertility: A medical condition which diminishes self-esteem, your social life, as well as checking and savings accounts. Causes sudden urges to pee on sticks, cry, scream, and a fear of pregnancy announcements. Treated by a medical specialist who you pay to knock you up with a no-refund policy when it doesn't work.

-I'm not infertile, I'm just preheating my oven.

- If you don't want the truth, don't ask. "When are you having kids?" "When my ovaries start working."

-Nope, still not pregnant, but thanks for pointing out how fat I've gotten.

And my favorite for when I do beat infertility and have my baby wear this...

-Cyster Baby- Proof that PCOS doesn't always win.

Already a Momma to Me

Of all the things anyone has ever said to me during this misadventure, the statement that has brought me the most peace is being told I am already a mother. Thank you Mama J for reminding me of this! I may not have a baby in my arms to prove it, but I've endured just as much as a person who has given birth. I fight every day just to bring a healthy baby into this world. While you remember to take your prenatal vitamins every day during pregnancy, I've done it for the last year hoping we might get a surprise. You watch your weight and what you're putting into your body... yep, I do that as well. I go through extensive and sometimes embarrassing tests just to be sure you will be safe when you join me in my tummy. I endure the constant symptoms of PCOS that mimic those of pregnancy every day of my life. I might not have a beating heart in my tummy , but I have that heart within mine. I don't have a child in my home, but you will always have a home when you do come. Daddy talks to my eggs, and I talk to his swimmers. You two haven't met yet, but I promise, once you do and become our little precious baby, Mommy and Daddy already love you more than life itself! <3

My Will-Not List

So many people have done it before. We make a list of things we wouldn't do when we become parents using our parents, family, and friends as examples of what we should and shouldn't do. Well, here's my what-not list for pregnancy. No judgment to anyone who doesn't follow this list because many won't cherish the symptoms everyone else dreads. And who knows, maybe once I get knocked up, I'll throw this list out the window. But.... until then, here's my will-not list for my baby bump days.

1. I will not smoke or drink. It's a pretty common will-not, but you'd be surprised!

2. I will not blast my pregnancy on public networking sites. One announcement and a couple occasional updates is more than enough. Behind all the oohs and ahhs is at least one person facing infertility.

3. I will not complain about my baby kicking me. Yes, I know it hurts. But by golly, I am desperate to feel that pain. Again, this is where I put into place my reasoning that not everyone has to follow my list.

I know there are plenty more on my list, but those are all secret will-nots nobody needs to know about. It's the things that only those who struggle to get pregnant would really understand. Until then, I sit here and daydream of the day I get to put my list into use.

What's that got to do with the price of eggs?

So what does it really have to do with the price of eggs? Well everything actually! Although I can certainly say that having a baby would be priceless, there really is an extent of how much I am really willing to spend to have a healthy egg to fertilize. Did you know that the average price of in-vitro is about twelve grand? Yeah, and it often takes two or three tries before it works! Um, I'm not sure about anyone else, but I don't exactly have thirty-six grand just sitting around waiting for me.

We started the cheapest fertility treatment there is- Clomid. Surprise, surprise- Doc T says he isn't hopeful it will work. Well thanks for trying to get us a bargain buy, but I guess it's on to the more expensive egg purchase. Did you also know that by the age of 30 a woman only has about ten percent of her eggs left? Is there any way I can get a cash advance on my eggs now because if I have to wait until I'm thirty to find a decently priced egg, I might have just run out!

So I leave you with this... what does it really have to do with the price of eggs?

You have what???

I decided that blogging might help me get through the misadventures of PCOS that have taken over my life. Not only will this help me in getting some input from others, but maybe I can help another person in their misadventure too!

So here's the start... PCOS: Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. Some people just nod their head and act like they know what it means, others actually do, some just look the other way thinking it is an embarrassing subject, and finally, the people who actually care to learn about it.

In my terms, it really means- Pretty Crappy Ovulation System. When I was first introduced to it, I remember thinking cool, no period! Now, as I am coming up on one year of trying for a baby with no avail, there is no cool part about it. When I think about my one year wedding anniversary, it is bitter sweet. I love the fact that I can say I have dedicated the last year of my life to being an amazing wife. At the same time, here I am dreading the day because it signifies one year of trying with nothing to show for it. I love my husband to bits and pieces, so I am going to enjoy this anniversary for the joyous moments. I plan on celebrating the moment I officially announced my desire to spend the rest of my life with him.

Here's to another year of happiness, and perhaps, if we are so truly blessed, a little pitter patter of a new heart will come too.