Are so tough. The holidays are fast approaching, and I feel so lonely. I have family and friends all around me, yet I feel like I'm standing here alone. I had heard the saying about feeling alone in a crowded room, and until this holiday season, I never truly knew that feeling. I decided to be in a good mood, turn on some Christmas jams, and make some fleece blankets. Every song made my heart ache for my baby. Every lyric some how connected to my lonely aching heart when they are intended for happiness. All I want for Christmas is you, Baby! I pray so often that this will be my last Christmas with this lonely ole heart of mine.
I love my husband more than life itself, but I feel like this year, me and my ovaries are keeping him from having a truly happy holiday. I asked my husband what he wanted for Christmas. He said, "Nothing... well, one thing, and we're working on that one." All my husband and I want for Christmas is that miracle in life that so many take for granted. Gosh, I wish there was a way Santa was true, and he decided to be a stork this year. I wish there was a way for me to feel like life wasn't so unfair. I wish I could be celebrating this holiday with that third person. This is only our second year without our little one here, and already, I feel like life is just so unfair. I can't imagine how anyone can do this for years and years.
I know that this is supposed to be one of my 30 day challenge posts, but I felt it necessary to get this out. This is my outlet, and while the challenge keeps me busy, it certainly doesn't fill this void in my heart. Tomorrow I'm sure will be my next scheduled challenge post, but today, I needed this. I needed to let these feelings out. I needed to be okay with this emptiness and find that hope that one day Christmas will be a bustling holiday with children of our own.
(((HUGS)))!
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