It is taking some time, but slowly my heart is beginning to accept the inevitable. I am prepared to accept that there will likely be many more pregnancy announcements before I finally get pregnant. I may not like it, but people get pregnant... it's life. I have to remain focused on the things I can control in my life. Meanwhile, I'm having a real eye opener on who my true friends are.
Unfortunately, I've learned that my online pals are more of friends than my "real life" friends most days. Since moving here, which is tremendously closer to friends and family than when we moved for my husband's work, I have had very few efforts on my friends' part to hang out. I get it... I talk a lot about my battles with infertility. However, I listen to them babble about the things consuming their lives whether it be work, school, or even the dreaded baby or pregnancy talk. I deleted Facebook, and it seems like everyone has forgotten I exist. I'm not trying to get a pity party- it's just really saddening to know that I have lost what few friends I thought I had. I guess I just have realized that I am in a limbo. My friends who aren't married aren't interested in hanging out with a married woman, and my married friends with kids don't want to hang out with the infertile woman. Then I think... I'm still going to be that infertile married person at heart even when I do get pregnant. 13 cycles (5 with ovulation) and 18 1/2 months down, and who knows how many more to go. A heart doesn't forget that. I am who I am, and I doubt this weary heart of mine will ever truly overcome infertility. If being a married infertile person means you don't want to be my friend, then I guess we might as well shut that door now.
Guess that song is true... You find out who your friends are. Thank goodness for my husband and sister to keep me going and remind me that they are the people in real life who will be by my side no matter what. They are my friends, and if that's all I got, I am more than happy to appreciate them. I am changing every day, but one thing will never change. I have faced the wrath of infertility, and I will always remember who didn't leave my side.
No comments:
Post a Comment