This week I made it official. I posted this blog on my FB page for all my family and friends to see. I have decided that infertility is not something I should be ashamed about. I am so tired of everyone asking when we are going to have a kid. I want to yell at them that I will as soon as my ovaries work right, but I bite my tongue. Instead, I now have a different response. I tell the truth in a polite manner. I say that we have been trying since we got married, and I have fertility issues. Most of the time it keeps the people who care informed and others who don't from asking again. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not one for bragging or wanting sympathy which is what I was concerned people might think if I posted it. However, I felt it was time to open the closet door and come out. There's no use in hiding behind closed doors fighting this battle alone. I've opened up more to my closer friends and family giving details, and I'm not afraid to talk about it when people ask. Even if the point of someone asking me is to have something to gossip about I like knowing they at least have their facts right.
My next step is to teach people how to talk about infertility. Although it is not life-threatening, treat it as a medical condition like you would any other. There are some key things that you should never say to someone battling infertility. Here are a few I'm particularly sensitive about:
*You're so young... you have plenty of time! Thanks for the update on how old I am. I'm well aware of it, and if it continues at this pace, I'm going to need this time to try.
*Just relax... it takes time. Yes, I know it takes time. However, relaxation doesn't cure a disease, and my time is overdue. The average couple can take six months or occasionally up to a year- we are going on fourteen months with only 3 eggs in that time.
*Enjoy your sleep... want to borrow my kids? Um, no... if I wanted to borrow someone's kids, I'd go be a nanny. And sleep? Is that all I have to give up to be a mom? Okay, take it... it's yours. Now give me my baby!
Instead of saying the above things, please say this:
*You'll be a great mom one day. Don't act like my infertility is a life time sentence without kids, but don't underplay it either. I will be a mother one day. In fact, I'm more of a mom now than many people are when they have kids.
*I'm praying for you. Thank you! Any prayers or positive thoughts are welcome. :-)
Thank you for posting this. I too have infertility and agree that there is taboo about talking about it. I have friends who get upset at me for talking about my frustrations with infertility. They think that it is okay to talk about pregnancy but not about the frustrations of trying to get pregnant and having problems. THANK YOU.
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